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Why in the hell I decided to start this blog. Blogging isn't always fun

Why

why

Why this blog?

I am Italian. Just this says a lot. In my family emotions have always run high. But eventually I realized that the emotions I experienced were going to take a downturn, affect myself and people around me for the worst, and eventually end up destructive.

That’s when I started repressing them and deny them. And I started to die. I spent more and more time numbing myself out with television, with computer, with alcohol, with food, with sex, with smoke, and anything else that helped in the process. I worked a lot. I become a workaholic. I realized that working a lot “helped” me to consume that natural energy that burned inside of me. That energy that wanted to come out to destroy something.

Naturally the more I worked the more this anger grew bigger. I started hating. Then I started stop caring for everything, even myself. My fellow friends helped me in the process. Cynical and apathy settled in. And I ended up hating my life. For almost 20 years.

I feel myself now at 40 at a turning point. One thing is certain, I cannot keep living this way. I cannot keep denying and repressing what I feel, I cannot continuing to fake and just be a false person, especially with the people I care. I cannot keep on living with walls around me to keep me safe and distant from others. It is time for me to look inside and recognize that there must be a reason for my emotions.

I started this Blog with the intention of taking a close look at what emotions are, to better understand the nature of emotions, their effect on my behaviors, their repercussion on my mental and physical health and my well-being in general. Let this be an awakening process.

It is time to let go of my Head and start listening what my Heart has to say.


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